The Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. :rant:

John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. :head bang:

Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.

I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior." :shock:

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. :headscratch:

As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly,



"May I ask what the turkey did?"


:smilie_happy:
Happy Thanksgiving

:smilie_happy: :smilie_happy: :smilie_happy: :smilie_happy:
Happy Thanksgiving!

Thats funny

That's pretty good :smilie_happy:

:smilie_happy: :clapping: :smilie_happy: :clapping:

I think the Turkey was " stuffed" :smilie_happy:

You started this!

Dear Turkeys, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, women.

Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
A: Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin pi.

There is a special place in hell for people that play Christmas music before Thanksgiving.

:smilie_happy: :smilie_happy: :smilie_happy: :smilie_happy:

[url=https://www.classicgoldwings.com/forum/viewtopic.php?p=136166#p136166:370jrt08 said:

PurpleGL1200I » Mon Nov 24, 2014 4:31 pm[/url]":370jrt08]
You started this!

Dear Turkeys, don't worry... they only love us for our breasts too. Sincerely, women.

Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
A: Enough drumsticks for Thanksgiving

Q: What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin pi.

There is a special place in hell for people that play Christmas music before Thanksgiving.

Click to expand...

Thanksgiving?!?! I was hearing it before Halloween!

Still about a parrot.

The burglar-
Had been watching this house for a while and knew the family had packed up and left on vacation.
He pried open a window and was climbing in. But just his foot touched the floor inside.
A voice out of the darkness said " Jesus is watching you".
He stopped and thought who can that be? I know they all left.
So again he put his foot on the floor and again a voice called out. "Jesus is watching you!"
Now he's a bit angry and curious so he switched on his flashlight and looked around the room.
There in a corner was a big cage with big parrot in it.
He asked the bird. "Are you the one who said Jesus is watching me?"
"Yes" the bird said.
"What's your name?" the burglar asked.
"Clarence" he replied.
"What idiot named you Clarence?"
The bird replied......






"The same idiot that named the pit bull Jesus".

A short elderly woman burst into a pet store. "I want to buy a parrot, but it's got to be a good singer! I've got good, hard US cash, but I'm only paying for a good singer."

The shop owner began moving a ladder towards a small cage on a shelf about fifteen feet up, near the ceiling of the store. "Ma'am, I've been in this business for forty years and the best singer I've ever heard is in that cage."

"Don't think I'm gonna feel obligated to pay for something I don't want just because you're climbing up a ladder like a monkey. I want a parrot, but it's got to be a singer."

By this point, the shop keeper was coming down the ladder. "Ma'am, this bird is a veritable feathered Caruso!" He placed the cage on the counter and the bird burst into melody after melody.

Awed, the woman murmured, "Why, he is a good singer." Suddenly she screamed, "Hey, this bird's only got one leg!"

The pet store owner was unperturbed. "Lady, do you want a singer or a dancer?"


Enough??

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 76). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors - green, red, orange, and blue.

My dad kept staring at her. The teenager kept looking and would find my dad staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked:

"What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; I knew he would have a good one!

In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid ....


"Got stoned once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you might be my kid."

good answer

Jimmy Buffett would be proud!