More airplane humor

[mcgovern61]

This was passed on to me too. :smilie_happy:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

 

[AApple]

:smilie_happy: :smilie_happy: :smilie_happy: :smilie_happy: :smilie_happy: :smilie_happy: :smilie_happy: :smilie_happy:

 

[thewhiterhino]

This was passed on to me too. :smilie_happy:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one;

Maintenance requires logical thought which appears to be trained out of people by the conclusion of college..
:smilie_happy: :smilie_happy: :smilie_happy:

 

[slabghost]

I was a helicopter mechanic in the Army. We had the same sorts of complaints and replies! That was funny. It brought back memories of fun times. :smilie_happy: :clapping: :smilie_happy:

 

[toytender01]

:hi: Now I know why we had to write the Air Force Trch Orders to a 6th grade level , and I thought it was because i was supposed to understand them !!! :smilie_happy: :smilie_happy: :smilie_happy: :smilie_happy:

 

[slabghost]

:hi: Now I know why we had to write the Air Force Trch Orders to a 6th grade level , and I thought it was because i was supposed to understand them !!! :smilie_happy: :smilie_happy: :smilie_happy: :smilie_happy:

Nope it was so the rocket scientist pilots could approximate understanding.

 

[carl62cycles]

This was passed on to me too. :smilie_happy:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping:

 

[NVRIDER]

I work at Nellis AFB (Air Force Base) we get aircraft from all over the world and there repair people. It's a wounder that some of the aircraft stay in the air, get to the range and back, Thanks god most have auto pilot they would end who knows were...Our biggest thing is try to under stand what they are talking about!!!